


Vermilion Martyr

by FateTrash



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: A thing I wrote for a group affiliated roleplay, Character Study, Gruesome Imagery, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Other, Posting here for my own keepsake, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 02:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20283784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FateTrash/pseuds/FateTrash
Summary: A thing I wrote back in 2014. Putting it here for my own keepsake.SEPTEMBER 18, 2014





	Vermilion Martyr

How your life flashes before your eyes at your dying moments - Ayano has read many stories that told of such occurrences, but never did she imagine that it would actually happen. 

To her. 

She had sat on the edge, sharp words leaving her mouth. Carefully planned, concise words that would bring safety to her beautiful world that was invaded and tarnished by the maddening red. She would stop these events, and at the risk of one insignificant life, everyone else would be saved. 

Ayano was strong. Ayano was a hero. Ayano was the cheerful child who could work miracles.

But she wasn’t strong. She was no hero. She was but a stupid girl who smiled through the tough times.

’_I’m scared_.’

That was the last thought that ran through her mind before she falls down, but doesn’t reach the ground. Her eyes recognize the black snake that opens it’s mouth, swallowing her whole into the Heat Haze. 

But that’s when it happened, she saw her life roll by all around her, surrounding her with moments of happiness, of sadness, of excitement and feelings of love. Back when life was simple, plain and happy. Before the red haze that entered their lives took over and overpowered the color in her world. Coloring over her happiness like an impudent child with a black crayon.

In the moment of clarity she could see how happy everyone was, all together. And how the spiral of black, the maddening red started to seep through the cracks of the brick house they had built together, eventually suffocating them. 

Ayano could see how selfish it was for her to decide to give up her life for these family members and friends who would cry.

Cry from the sadness that she inflicted upon them. 

She walked along this red parade that the maddening red had set up, Ayano had led herself to the execution table, binding herself from moving or speaking out for help. Only to realize that she was wrong when it was already too late. 

> ’_…Nee-san, you lied._’
> 
> ’_W… what? Nee-san’s… no. No! NO!!_’
> 
> ’_Tsubomi! Calm down! P-please, calm down! Nee-san would never… nee-san…_’
> 
> ’_Let go of me!! You’re lying, Shuuya! Nee-san would never leave us!!_’
> 
> ’_…_‘ 

However, even as the world around her remained still, the world outside continued to move.

The sad, angry and emotional faces scattered out around her and no matter how much she reached out to them, Ayano just couldn’t reach them anymore. _I’m sorry_, she would say.

_'I’m sorry, I love you_.' 

A black snake curls itself around her body and rests it’s head on her shoulder, speaking in soft tones that she couldn’t hear. 

Tears continued to fall as the scene before her changes to a boy. A boy who stared at an empty desk with a vase of flowers that swayed to the wind. But no matter how colorful they were, it could not replace the smile that the boy longed for. 

’_Shintaro…_’

He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t hear her. He doesn’t know why she did it, but proceeds to blame himself. Was it because he was too cold? Was it because of his harsh words? Was it because he never took the time to listen to the tears behind her smile? Because he had been too absorbed in his own world, that he lost the only bit of clarity in his life? 

He turns his back, and Ayano can only cry.

_'I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’_

She had thought it would help. She thought it was the best course of action to save everyone from the sadness that she had taken upon her own shoulders.

The tears that she shed only served to make her scarf heavier. 

She wakes on a bed.

A soft comfortable bed that she had become accustomed to. But instead of getting up, she curled up and held onto her tear stained pillow, burrowing helpless loud sobs. 

Ayano knew she had been selfish to take everyone on herself. But there was no way to tell everyone, it was impossible to ask for help from children, from a depressed friend who relied on her smile, from an ill boy or a girl who was most lost than Ayano had been. 

She had sewn her own mouth into a smile with a bloody needle and nobody noticed the tears that fell from her eyes before tipping herself over the edge of life with no rope to pull her back. 

It was because she didn’t want a rope back, to fall into the red parade for an eternity was what the hero had chosen - and what the hero got. She chose to leave everyone behind for the sake of their happiness.

But in the end, she was… being selfish? 

Choking and coughing into the pillow, Ayano stumbled from her bed and out of her room in a mess of tears and sweat. Her bright red scarf was missing, but she reaches her destination: the shared bathrooms. Stumbling to a stall and not bothering to close the door behind her, she emptied her stomach through choked sobs.

Though what came out was mostly water, Ayano still took the time to clean up after herself, even if as she walked, her tears would continue to fall down her face. 

Finally returning to her room, she collapses into her bed… into another dream.


End file.
